Dear Ashley,

 

Dear Ashley,

I have been a little distracted lately. I can’t stop thinking of you.

I sat in a meeting a few weeks back and I was distracted.

I wasn’t the “can’t put my phone down” or “I have a million things to do today” type of distracted. It was the kind of distracted where I felt like a little kid sitting at the adult dinner table—too enthralled in my own thoughts to keep up with the grown-up conversation. I even shed a few uncontrollable tears that I hoped no one noticed. I almost excused my self from the grown-up table to attempt to collect myself, but didn’t want to draw more attention to my lack of ability to control my emotions. I also knew that I really wouldn’t be able to effectively explain to anyone why I was all of a sudden so overwhelmed. So, I sat and pulled myself together.

During our meeting, we were engaged with presentations on Simon Sinek’s Start With Why. We were discussing the golden circle and how defining the Why, the How, and What can impact our work. The conversation was reflective and stimulating.

My group presented on the middle section of the book and highlighted aspects of different leaders that resonated with us and emphasized aspects of the book that we thought were important. I choose Congressman John Lewis. In Sinek’s book, he discussed Dr. Martin Luther King’s dream as a vision and an expression of his “Why”. Sinek also discusses how Dr. King’s vision couldn’t have come to fruition without other leaders. For me, it was young leaders like John Lewis that immediately came to mind. I choose John Lewis because of his tremendous impact on the Civil Rights Movement. I choose John Lewis because he was young when he made his impact on this nation. I choose John Lewis because his why aligned with Dr. King’s and that why continues to inspire even generations later. He was a great choice.

However, before we began presenting, I wish I had selected you. Sinek’s Start with Why concept is a simple concept in my field. In Higher Education, and more specially student affairs what we do is provide services and support for students at our institutions to enhance their growth and development. How depends on the specialty area within student affairs that one focuses on. How depends on the structure and leadership of the division. How is outlined in CAS standards and other competency measurements. But the why?—that could differ with every student affairs professional you meet. At the core, the why are the students. But each person has a specific why; most likely they can tell you some specific stories that impact the work that they do.

But my story is a little different. My story begins before I entered college. My why took a little bit of tangent, but it still begins with you. You’re my why.

I was supposed to be a teacher.
That was the plan. I’ve always wanted to be a teacher. When you died, I became absolutely sure. Your legacy had to be continued. I attended the University of Mississippi with that intention. I started being called Pearson in honor of your unique nickname Pearson Person. I told your story to everyone. It was a part of who I was. Bolton High School hosted your memorial 5k and up until recently, I attended every year. You were my why.

Sometime during undergrad, other stories started impacting the work that I wanted to do. But one thing remained the same; I still wanted to be an educator. Though I began to focus on higher education rather than secondary, I still wanted to be an educator and that was still because of you. It took me a long time to accept my new path, but I haven’t regretted it until the day I sat in that meeting and didn’t express my first why.

I haven’t regretted it until I started a new job and instead of taking every opportunity to tell people about you and your influence, I just changed my Facebook name so that I didn’t have to let people in and explain the significance of Pearson Person.

You were my first inspiration for wanting to impact a student’s life and I let you down.

9 years ago, you sparked a fire in a young group of 15 year olds and you changed their lives forever. I’m sure my classmates can remember as vividly as I can. I’ll never forget losing my mind in my mother’s arms not believing that such a tragedy could really happen—not understanding how someone could take the life of another.

Before you died, I was always too young to understand what it felt like to lose a loved one. But at 15 years old, I felt a pain that I never thought could resurface.

But lately, I have felt every ounce of it—almost like it happened yesterday.

At 15 years old, I learned what domestic violence was and who it impacted. At 15, I learned to cherish every moment you have with someone you love.

And at 24, I’m reminded that those who changed your life will forever be a part of you and it’s okay that your why may be a little different.

I won’t let you down again.

I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.

Today was especially hard.

I miss you.

“Be good. Be safe. Behave.”

Sincerely,

Pearson Person